


all my best lies

by reachthetree



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Hogwarts, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-12-31 17:46:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12137787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachthetree/pseuds/reachthetree
Summary: “You know what?” Sirius sat up, enjoying the swirl and warm rush of blood to his head, even if it made him sway slightly. He grabbed Remus’ arm for stability. “They want us to get together, I say we prank them right back.”“How so?” Remus looked soft in the dark.“We pretend to be together,” Sirius said promptly. “That’ll show them.”





	all my best lies

**Author's Note:**

> *shows up to a prompt two months late with fake dating*  
> Hello!! This was started many moons ago for the Wolfstar Introvert Prompt no. 5 – “Remus and Sirius’ friends are tired of watching them deny their obvious affection for each other, and make it their personal goal to get the two to admit to their feelings.” But better late than never, right? So here it is. Title from 'Homemade Dynamite' by Lorde, which is Marauders af btw and is highly recommended.  
> Dedicated to my witchfriend and muse Jamie, the Remus to my Sirius, and so on and so forth. Big thanks to memorde who looked it over and fixed some of the more glaring mistakes (the remaining ones are all on me). Hope you enjoy :)

Lily huddled closer to James across the table. They were alone in the common room, save a tiny first year by the fire, but you could never be too careful. 

She spoke in a low and serious voice. “Alright, are we agreed on the plan?”

James nodded so vigorously his glasses slid down his nose. “This Saturday, astronomy tower, secret party, but we don't show up and the romantic atmosphere fixes the rest.”

“Good.” Lily grinned.

They heard the portrait open, and James quickly straightened up and cleared his throat. “Did you listen to that new Muggle radio song, Withering Tights or something?” 

“It’s Wuthering Heights, and I was the one who recommended it to you,” said Lily dryly. 

The people coming in weren’t Sirius or Remus, but since the plan was all set now, they devoted the rest of their alone time to writing a list of their most brilliant moments as a couple. (Deeroar greatest hits. Yes, they invented that name themselves.)

When James kissed Lily goodnight and went to bed three hours later, Remus and Sirius were still missing in action. Peter was lying on his stomach on his bed, reading with furrowed eyebrows.

“All right?” James took a seat on Peter’s arse.

Peter made a pained noise. “I was.”

James laughed. “Anyway, the plan is finalised now, so if all goes well they’ll stop dancing around each other soon.”

“What’s my job?” Peter closed his book, clearly recognising a hopeless situation.

“Your job is to be excited about the fake party around Moony and Pads, and then don’t go.” James heaved himself off Peter and stood up. “It’s gonna be brilliant.”

Peter rolled over and sighed. “Why is this so important to you, anyway?”

“Because!” James made a dramatic gesture with his arms. “I want them to be happy, and they’re both idiots.”

*

_“Because! I want them to be happy, and they’re both idiots.”_

Sirius glanced at Remus, who shifted his weight from one foot to another. They were stood outside the door to the dormitory. Sirius silently congratulated himself on having developed such incredible skills in stealth. Walking in on that conversation would have been… awkward.

Remus glanced back at him, then huffed. “I don’t think it’s us who are the idiots,” he whispered. 

Sirius’ stomach sank. “Obviously.” He grinned. “Come on, let’s go in and make them wonder.” He grabbed Remus’ hand and looked at him for a reaction.

Remus’ eyes widened, he looked down at their joined hands for a moment, and then his face smoothed again. He shoved the door open before Sirius had the chance to.

“Evening, lads,” he said casually, gripping Sirius’ hand tightly. 

This was not how Sirius had planned for this to go. As James looked up from his trunk, pyjamas in hand, and Peter’s head turned, Sirius let go of Remus’ hand like it burned him. Remus gave him a look but didn’t otherwise react.

James grinned at them. “I was wondering where you two were,” he said.

“Ha, _were_ ,” Sirius said. Remus groaned, but Peter giggled.

“Sorry to deprive you of your better – no, worse – no, better half for a few hours. Clearly you survived,” Remus said sarcastically. 

Sirius moved towards his own bed to get ready for the night and let James and Remus banter it out. When he was ready, curtains pulled shut and head on pillow, his heart was still beating like they were in the forest and could be sidelined by anything at any moment. Remus had confided to him that he wished he could see the forest with his own eyes sometime; he never had any memory of it when he transformed back. So Sirius had borrowed James’ cloak and made it happen. They’d walked huddled together under it, crouching slightly now that they were almost of age, and spoken in whispers. The forest was beautiful but dangerous. They were invincible, of course, but it was still a thrill to walk there in human form, soft vulnerable skin warm beneath their robes.

It wasn’t easy to fall asleep. Sirius never much liked sleeping, since his sleeping mind was way too open to things he was trying to repress, but now he’d very much have liked a break from the stream of thoughts about what James had said. They were trying to get him and Remus together? As a couple? Typical James, always trying to take care of them without being asked to. Sirius was still annoyed when he eventually passed out. He dreamt about the forest.

*

Lily sat down next to James at the Gryffindor table. “Morning,” she said briskly. “Pass me the Prophet when you’re done?” She didn’t wait for a response before serving herself some toast with generous amounts of butter and jam.

James wasn’t reading, he was just staring at it. He was not a morning person, and every single morning it baffled him that the love of his life was. Silently, he pushed it towards her. She smiled with a mouth full of toast and opened it.

He was halfway through his tea, and thus halfway to human, when Remus and Peter showed up. Sirius arrived last, looking surly and rumpled, like he’d woken up half a minute ago. Which he probably had.

“Morning,” James said, draining the last tea from his cup.

Sirius merely grunted in response and wriggled himself down between Remus and Peter. The latter side-eyed him when he was forced to move, but said nothing. Remus readily made room. James bit back a smirk. Oh, the plan would be glorious. He glanced at Lily, who was engrossed in the paper. There’d been another Muggle disappearance, James read over her shoulder. He ignored the cold feeling in his stomach for now; onwards with the plan.

“So, what do you lads say to sneaking up to the astronomy tower tomorrow?” He waggled his eyebrows. “Supposed to be beautiful, and I have firewhisky I lifted from dad.”

“Sure.” Remus shrugged and drank some juice.

“What a good Prefect you are,” Peter said.

“The way I see it, I’m keeping you all from wreaking worse havoc,” Remus said calmly. 

James indulged him with a laugh. If he only knew the havoc that would be wreaked.

*

“You go on ahead.” James tossed the whisky bottle to Remus, who caught it and raised his eyebrows. 

Sirius snatched it out of his hands and wriggled it triumphantly. “Your loss when we drink it all.”

“More like Remus’ loss when he has to clean up your puke again,” Peter cut in.

Sirius ignored him. “Come on.” He nodded towards the door, looking at Remus. Remus shrugged and followed him.

Sneaking around in the castle at night without the cloak was more of a challenge than with it, but it was definitely possible. They ran from one suit of armour to a statue, looking at each other and giggling, out of breath. The whisky made a clucking noise inside the bottle when they ran. When they got to the tower, they tip-toed past the astronomy professor’s office before running up the last stairs.

The moon was waxing crescent and the sky was slightly overcast, but the sliver was visible along with a few stars. Sirius took his robe off, leaving him in shirt and jumper, and spread it on the stone floor. 

“After you,” he said jokingly, and gestured toward it while taking an exaggerated bow.

Remus sniggered, but folded his gangly legs across each other and sat down. Sirius handed him the bottle, and he opened it and took a swig while Sirius positioned himself on the robe.

“I don’t think the others are coming,” Remus said as he handed the bottle back to Sirius.

Sirius bought some time by taking several large gulps, doing his best to keep his face straight but not fully managing it. Whisky did not taste like pumpkin juice.

“Yeah.” He wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his jumper. “I bet they’re so pleased with themselves.”

Remus looked at the sky and sighed. He flipped a _v_ towards the sliver of moon. “Fuck you,” he told the sky.

Sirius passed him the bottle. “I thought you’d never ask.” He winked.

“Shut up.” Remus drank again, bowing his head down from the stars.

“Do you think a paper plane would fly right through Professor Binns?” Sirius squinted at Remus.

Remus laughed a little. “Yes, he’s a ghost, that’s how they work.”

“Yeah, but all that boring knowledge comes off as solid to me. Might defy the laws of ghost nature by the sheer power of boredom.” Sirius grinned when Remus laughed again.

They were halfway through the bottle, and the moon was now obscured by a cloud, when the reason they were there came up again.

“You know what?” Sirius sat up, enjoying the swirl and warm rush of blood to his head, even if it made him sway slightly. He grabbed Remus’ arm for stability. “They want us to get together, I say we prank them right back.”

“How so?” Remus looked soft in the dark.

“We pretend to be together,” Sirius said promptly. “That’ll show them.”

For a moment, Remus hesitated, and Sirius reached for the whisky for strength. He’d only uncapped it when Remus responded.

“Let’s do it.”

*

James elbowed Peter excitedly. “They’re still there! It’s been two hours! It’s happening, lads!”

“I wonder if they’re snogging yet,” said Lily, lying back towards the foot of James’ bed. 

James rubbed his hands together and snickered. “It’ll happen, and they’ll have us to thank for it.”

“It’s mostly you, mate.” But Peter was also watching the map intently.

“In any case, I think it’s safe to say that the plan is working.” Lily stretched her arms above her head. “I’m bored. Wanna play Exploding Snap?”

“No, because you always win.” Peter poked her leg.

“I’ll play, love.” James cleared the map and folded it up neatly. 

Lily sat up and clapped her hands. Peter sighed, but stayed.

They played for a while, and as hard as James tried not to think of his friends up in the tower, they crept back into his head as soon as it was someone else’s turn. This did not help his already poor skills.

He was hit in the face by an explosion just seconds before the door burst open and Remus and Sirius staggered in, arms around each other’s waists. Lily got her wand and hastily put out the fire in his eyebrows.

“Hello!” Sirius shouted. Remus was just grinning stupidly. “Nice of you to stay away, we had so much fun without you.”

“You did?” James could see how hard Peter was trying to keep his face neutral.

Sirius nodded vigorously. He was pink in the face and his hand was gripping Remus’ robes tightly. 

“Gave us the space – haha, space – to work some things out.” He wriggled his eyebrows and dissolved into giggles.

Remus held onto him, taking over the torch. “Yeah, we’re together now.” He wasn’t as pink, but his face had that relaxed look it only had under the influence.

James whooped loudly, Lily and Peter high-fived, and Sirius just kept laughing. 

*

The next morning, Sirius woke up with a throbbing headache and Remus sitting on his bed with hunched shoulders.

“Hnnghh.” Remus knew what that meant. Hopefully.

“Sorry,” Remus whispered. “Do you remember last night?” His brows were furrowed. Sirius tried to remember why they would be.

Last night. Whisky. Crescent moon. Remus. 

Right. They were pretending to be in a relationship to get back at the others. Sirius nodded, then immediately regretted it. He groaned and Remus gave him a tentative smile.

“Still up for the, er, prank?”

Not wanting to nod again, Sirius made a massive effort and mustered the energy to say, “Yes.”

Remus took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said. “Me too.” He paused a few seconds, not moving, then added, “I’ll get you some breakfast.”

Sirius stayed in bed all day. By dinner time, he was mostly functional again. He walked into the Great Hall, everyone else already there. Remus had saved a seat next to him, and Sirius sunk down on it and groaned.

“Had fun last night?” Lily smirked.

“Obviously,” said Sirius, as scathingly as he could muster. He was still exhausted, and Remus’ shoulder was right there… Sirius leaned on it and closed his eyes.

“Aw.” He heard James’ voice from across the table. Remus tensed for a second, and then he used his free hand to pet Sirius’ head awkwardly.

“Aren’t you gonna eat, _babe_?” he said pointedly.

Sirius didn’t want to open his eyes. He was good like this, thanks. “Soon,” he mumbled.

Then the scent of sausage wafted awfully close to his nose and his eyes flew open. Peter was grinning at him, holding out a sausage speared on a fork.

“You need to regain your strength for all the shagging you’re gonna do,” he said.

Remus coughed, which jostled Sirius and forced him to sit up by himself. He shuffled closer to Remus so their thighs were touching instead.

“Ha! A sausage for a sausage.” James chuckled.

Sirius snatched the fork from Peter and bit into the sausage aggressively. “I hate you all,” he said between bites, muffled by meat. “Just so you know.”

Remus said nothing, which struck Sirius as odd, but they had agreed. He went on.

“Our sausages are none of your business, you cunts. Besides,” and here he threw an arm around Remus’ shoulders, “true love is about much more than that. Right, _love_?”

Remus coughed again, more violently this time. “Right,” he said hoarsely. “I’d rather not discuss the ins and outs of it with the group.”

Peter giggled at “ins and outs.”

“Of course.” Sirius squeezed Remus’ shoulders tighter. “We’re not James.” He glared at the latter. To his pleasure, Lily slapped him over the head.

“He never said anything graphic,” Peter filled in quickly.

Remus took the hand Sirius had on his shoulder, and Sirius felt warm for a moment before Remus started to remove it. Oh.

“Who’s excited for Hogsmeade next weekend?” Remus sounded strained. James opened his mouth, looking like he was about to stay on the subject of Sirius and Remus, but Sirius was quicker.

“So excited!” he said hastily. “I have a list of stuff to get from Zonko’s, and we need to stock up on chocolate as well.”

Lily was always up for talking about sweets, and the change of subject was successful. Sirius noticed that Remus didn’t move his leg away. When they walked back to Gryffindor tower, he took Remus’ hand. It was obvious that James could barely contain his excitement, but to Sirius’ relief he didn’t say anything that made Remus uncomfortable again.

They only let go to climb in through the portrait. Sirius wiped the sweat off his palm on his robes. Gross. He wouldn’t mind some more of that.

The remainder of the Sunday was spent, on Sirius’ part, in bed. He could hear James and Lily laughing over in James’ bed but couldn’t muster the energy to remind them that silencing charms existed. Peter had stayed back in the common room to play Gobstones with Kingsley Shacklebolt.

Remus had gone up to the dormitory with them, and then left without a word. Sirius was still too strung out and dizzy to be properly anxious, but he was uneasy.

Breakfast the next morning went by much like dinner had the previous night, only with less participation from James, who was never much for banter before ten in the morning. Lily and Peter kept giving Remus and Sirius meaningful looks. Remus was reading the Daily Prophet, but threw Sirius a sideways glance.

“Piss off,” said Sirius shortly to Lily and Peter. James reacted to this by slightly raising his head and looking foggily at Sirius. “Mind your own love lives, eh? Especially you, Wormy, since you haven’t any.” He pursed his lips and threw his hair back.

Remus moved his leg, just a little, so it touched on Sirius’.

“Excuse you,” said Lily in an indignant voice, “but when I got together with Sleeping Beauty over here you lot were insufferable for a month. I think I’ve earned at least a week of friendly teasing.”

“You love insufferable,” countered Sirius, “or else you wouldn’t be with Prongs.”

James frowned and made an unintelligible noise.

Lily snorted. “Got me there, plonker.”

Peter had busied himself with burying his last piece of tomato in scrambled eggs, making a little egg mountain on his plate. Sirius reached over the table and ruined it with his fork.

“Hey!”

But before Peter could say more, Sirius speared the tomato and ate it, looking Peter straight in the eye as he did so.

“Fine,” Lily sighed, and Peter didn’t protest. “We’ll tone it down if you stop being a massive pain in the arse.”

Sirius grinned, still chewing on the tomato. “Excellent,” he said once he’d swallowed. “Now,” he turned to Remus, “mind if I have the paper when you’re done? I’m just _dying_ for a good crossword.”

Remus chuckled and gave him the paper. Lily and Peter looked at each other with ill concealed amusement, but to their credit they kept their mouths shut.

They were on their way to their first lesson – Potions with the Slytherins – when James burst out, “I am not insufferable!”

Lily patted him on the head. “Sure you’re not, babe.”

Sirius barked a laugh. “Good morning,” he said.

“Actually,” Remus said in his best shitstirring voice, “one could make the case that James is extremely sufferable, considering how much we suffer him.”

The group exploded in laughter, and Remus bit his lip over a huge happy grin. James grumbled but was placated by Lily touching him in a strategic place and whispering something in his ear.

Sirius sighed and manoeuvred himself closer to Remus. Their smiles died out as soon as they entered the dungeon. Professor Slughorn was deep in conversation with Snape, and the self-satisfied smirk on Snape’s face was enough to ruin anyone’s day.

Lily clenched her jaw and pretended not to see him. Sirius could hear James thinking of insults to hurl at Snape, but since they were apparently mature now, he said nothing. 

Sirius, however, had no aspirations for maturity. “Snivellus!” He called. “Sucking up to professors since you can’t get friends your own age?”

Snape did have a group of Slytherin friends, and after Sirius had spoken, they all erupted in loud protest.

“As if he’d want faggot friends like you lot,” Avery called across the classroom. Slughorn raised his hands, in an attempt to silence them, and Sirius could hear Remus’ sharp intake of breath beside him.

He leaned closer to Remus. “Work with me,” he whispered. “If something’s not okay, say _bezoar_.” He threw an arm around Remus’ waist and put on a flashy grin, then turned them both around to face the Slytherins.

“Why, thank you for noticing,” he said scathingly. “It’s so very kind of you to congratulate us on our new relationship!” Remus had put his arm around Sirius, too, and was gripping his waist tightly.

Snape, rejoining his group, sneered at them. “I wouldn’t go parading that, if I were you,” he said coldly. “You never know how it might be… used against you.” He dragged out the last words, to really let them sink in.

Sirius laughed. Remus gripped him tighter still. “You can’t touch me and you know it, Snivellus, which explains why you’re so upset.”

“Please!” Slughorn rarely raised his voice, and the sound of it made the whole class stop in their tracks. Everyone who’d been keeping an eye on the verbal sparring turned their attention to the front. “We’re starting,” said Slughorn curtly, “so if you please, leave your private matters for later. And privacy,” he added in Sirius and Remus’ direction.

Sirius scowled but let go of Remus, who did the same and quickly sped away to the desk next to Peter. James and Lily were together, which left Sirius alone and annoyed. His desk was near the front, which meant Remus was behind him, out of sight. Slughorn glanced suspiciously at Sirius every now and then, but he didn’t dare reprimand a Black too harshly. _Spineless suck-up_ , Sirius thought to himself. _No wonder he gets along with Snape._

When the class was finally over, Remus somehow ended up walking on the other side of James from Sirius, laughing with Lily about something and not paying Sirius any attention. James nudged Sirius’ elbow with his own.

“Nice work back there,” he said. “Proud of you.”

Sirius felt a soppy smile coming on; he managed it into a grin before he looked sideways at James. “Why thank you, Mrs Potter. It’s so nice to have a supportive mother.”

James shoved him so he bumped into a suit of armour, who pushed him right back onto James. “Ungrateful brat,” James said, and stuck his tongue out at Sirius. 

Sirius laughed and threw his arm over James’ shoulders, ignoring the cold in his stomach when he saw Remus, Lily and Peter disappear along the corridor together without looking back.

The rest of the day up until dinner passed without drama. But when Sirius was on his way out of the Great Hall, he was stopped in his tracks by someone tugging his robes. It was a small Slytherin girl, looking weirdly nervous.

“Yes?” Because she looked more scared than anything, Sirius’ tone was less menacing than it would have been, but still apprehensive.

“Excuse me,” she said quietly, “I just wanted to thank you.”

“For what?” Sirius could see people casting confused looks at them as they walked past.

The girl blinked up at him. “I heard about the, er, your relationship. I didn’t know – I thought I was bad,” she stammered, her lip quivering.

Oh. Sirius swallowed. “No problem,” he said as briskly as he could muster. “Nothing wrong with that, you know.”

She smiled weakly, and to his horror he saw tears rising in her eyes. “Thanks,” she whispered, and to Sirius’ relief, she hurried away.

“What was that about?” Remus came up to him, looking puzzled.

“She thanked me,” said Sirius, still baffled. “For, you know, this morning.”

Remus turned slightly pink. “Oh. Well, you were very good. And, er, convincing.”

Sirius’ stomach sank. He ran his fingers through his hair. “The prank has outgrown us,” he said with a grin. “We’re not only getting the gang good, but the whole school.”

They started walking up to the tower. Remus laughed nervously. “I hope you think it’s worth it,” he said. 

When they climbed through the portrait hole, the common room cheered and wolf whistled. The whole school did know. 

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Sirius felt hot all over. He glanced at Remus, shrugged, then nodded. Feeling like he was making a steep dive with his broomstick, Sirius leaned in and pressed his lips against Remus’ for a few seconds. The cheering reached new levels of loud – he could hear James yell “I WAS RIGHT!” – and Sirius felt his cheeks burn when they separated. Remus didn’t look any better.

Sirius took an exaggerated bow for the benefit of the cheering students. He couldn’t see what Remus was doing. When he straightened up again, though, Remus took his hand. His grip was firm and he led Sirius towards the stairs to the dormitories, to the sound of louder cheers. For some reason, Remus didn’t let go as soon as they were out of sight, but held on until they were in their room.

“Sorry,” said Remus and let go.

Ignoring his rapid heartbeat, Sirius smiled as confidently as he could. “This is fun,” he said.

Remus’ responding smile didn’t reach his eyes.

*

The news did indeed travel fast. On Tuesday, when passing the gang in the entrance hall, Dumbledore looked at Sirius and winked knowingly.

James laughed. “You’re a gay icon now, Pads.”

Instinctively, Sirius looked for Remus. He was frowning. 

“I don’t know why it’s me,” said Sirius, annoyed. They exited the castle and made their way to Herbology with Ravenclaw. Dorcas and Marlene had already found each other and were talking, heads close together as they headed to the greenhouses.

“Maybe because you’re louder than the rest of us together,” Peter suggested.

Remus huffed. “It’s because he’s fit and from a rich family,” he said, not without bitterness. 

Sirius threw an arm around Remus’ shoulder, which was platonic enough, but Remus shrugged out of it. “Not now,” he mumbled to Sirius.

“Well,” said Sirius quickly, “If the school wants a brightly shining beacon of homosexuality, I’m up to the task.” He pushed his chest out and assumed a facial expression like he was about to be knighted.

“You’re up to anything that gives you attention,” Lily commented, and the boys laughed.

“Clearly the same can be said about you,” Sirius shot back, with a nod towards James.

Lily waved a hand dismissively. “If all you can think of to tease me is that I’m going out with James, clearly that speaks to my lack of flaws.” 

James beamed, apparently unbothered by the implication that he was Lily’s sole flaw. “My girl!” he said proudly.

“Whatever.” Sirius hated them both. He turned to Remus. “Are we working together, or what?”

Peter sighed, but Remus nodded, and they found a free table. The plants on it had long, evenly thick leaves, green speckled with silver. When Sirius put his hand on the table close to one, it wrapped a leaf around his wrist, gently stroking him with the tip.

“What the fuck?” Sirius tried to release himself, but the plant was surprisingly strong.

“Language, Black,” called Professor Sprout sharply. “No need to worry,” she went on in a milder tone, “this is what they do. They’re Valentine Veras. They’re very tactile, love plants, you see. Your job today is to cuddle them to keep them in good health.”

Sirius met Remus’ gaze over the table of plants and they both stifled a giggle. One of the plants had grabbed hold of Remus, too, but he simply petted the leaves with his free hand and the plant sort of nuzzled him in return. Sirius followed his example, and his plant loosened its grip. It was quite nice, actually.

Professor Sprout proceeded to tell them some of the Valentine Vera’s properties; they could be used in love potions, which Sprout sternly discouraged them from doing, but also in Anti-Depression potions.

“Their instincts are very loving, you see,” she explained, “and ingesting their extract combined with Sage and Sun Water adds much needed warmth to a depressed person.”

Sirius stroked his plant absentmindedly, watching Remus listen with a furrowed brow.

When Sprout had stopped the short lecture, leaving them to their cuddling duties, Remus beckoned Sirius closer. He spoke quietly. “How long is this going to go on for?” 

Sirius jammed his hand into soil and flexed his fingers, feeling the texture and cool dampness on his skin. “Do you hate it that much?” he asked, a tone of offense in his voice.

Remus shook his head quickly, then hesitated. “I mean, it’s worth it, right?”

“Right.” Sirius clenched his fist in the dirt.

“I don’t mind.”

Apparently that was that, because Remus didn’t mention it again for the rest of the day. In fact, he acted like always, and Sirius gladly went along with it. No need to overdo the relationship thing, or they’d blow their cover. It made sense.

They were sitting in the common room in the evening, all of them splayed on a sofa. Sirius had his leg thrown across James’ thighs, Remus had his head in Sirius’ lap, and Peter was on the floor leaning on James’ legs. The fire was crackling and Sirius played with Remus’ hair, content.

“Aw, you’re such a cute couple.” A younger student Sirius couldn’t remember the name of was beaming at him and Remus.

Remus opened his eyes and blinked at them. “Thank you.” He smiled, sounding good-natured.

Sirius looked down at Remus, then at their two other friends. Was there a difference? He kept his hand in Remus’ hair, combing through it with his fingers, and the person who’d commented moved on.

“I’m so proud,” James said again, a dramatic hand to his chest.

“Shut up.” Sirius nudged James’ stomach with his foot. Remus’ smile fell.

“To be fair, we’re all extremely cute.” Peter patted James’ knee awkwardly.

Sirius’ lap went cold when Remus sat up. “I’m going to bed,” he said. “Early bird gets the Wormtail, and all that.” He winked at Peter, and they all laughed before he departed. Sirius followed soon after. When he came into the dormitory, Remus’ hangings were closed. 

*

Wednesday was slightly less eventful. They had Charms and History of Magic – Sirius discovered, to his disappointment, that a paper plane did fly straight through Professor Binns, earning him a week’s detention to be started on the following Monday.

But when they were getting ready for bed in the evening, James approached Remus’ bed and beckoned for Sirius to come over there as well. Sirius threw himself down on the bed and looked up at his friends.

“You know,” James said in his best Mother Hen voice, “none of us will mind if you two share a bed, now that you’re together.”

 _How very fitting that I’m already here_ , Sirius thought, and swallowed. Remus’ face was hard to read.

“How very kind of you,” Sirius said sarcastically.

“We weren’t sure if it’d make you uncomfortable,” Remus said slowly, looking intently at Sirius. Sirius gave him a small nod. “But if it’s fine, then…”

Sirius spread out like a starfish, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to look at James’ face. “Good luck, babe,” he said. “I’m terrible.”

“It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before,” Remus reminded him dryly. “I would say that you’re like a dog, taking up all the space, but you know.”

James laughed and they could hear an amused snort from behind Peter’s hangings as well.

“Good night, then.” James looking at him in Remus’ bed made Sirius feel like a Grindylow in a tank, on display for the curious onlooker.

“Good night.” He could hear the smugness in James’ voice. Dickhead. Remus echoed the sentiment, but didn’t move as James’ footsteps traveled to his own bed.

Sirius opened his eyes. “You coming or what?” He grinned, placing his arms above his head, very purposefully letting his pyjama shirt ride up and expose a sliver of skin on his lower stomach. Remus looked for a second, then sighed.

“If you don’t brush your teeth, the deal’s off.” He turned around and marched to the bathroom.

The grin vanished from Sirius’ face. Any day now, Remus might have had enough, and he’d be kicked out of bed in more ways than one. There’d be a lot less hand holding and no more kissing. He got up, grabbed his toothbrush and followed Remus to the bathroom.

“I can just stay until the others are asleep,” Sirius muttered as he ran his toothbrush under the sink.

Remus looked at him in the mirror, freezing mid-brush for a second. He didn’t respond immediately, but kept brushing until he was done. When he’d spat and rinsed his mouth, he finally said, “But then there’d be questions in the morning.”

Now Sirius was the one with his mouth full. His stomach lurched, and he nodded to Remus in the mirror.

“See you soon,” Remus said and left.

When Sirius got back to Remus’ bed, the hangings were closed. He pulled them open, revealing Remus on one side of the bed. He’d clearly left a space for Sirius. Sirius climbed in, and Remus pulled his wand from under his pillow and cast a Silencing Charm.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Nice smooth seduction technique, Moony,” he said. “But really, since we’re dating now, there’s no need to make an effort to get me to put out.”

Remus went pink, then rolled his eyes. “I’d just rather have some privacy,” he said, jaw clenched. 

He didn’t sound happy. Sirius was lying beside him, but they weren’t touching. When they’d shared a bed in the past – for werewolf and nightmares reasons – they’d been close. Sirius lay on his back, tense and rigid. Remus didn’t say anything else for a while, but his breathing let Sirius know that he was still awake.

Eventually, Sirius couldn’t take it anymore. “Look,” he said, in much the same tone he’d use to convince the others that his plan for a prank was the most logical. “These beds aren’t big enough to sleep comfortably in if you can’t touch the other person.”

Remus let out a long breath. “Yeah,” he said, sounding resigned. “Come here, then.” He turned on his side and opened his arms. Sirius, smiling, turned around too and shuffled backwards until he was comfortably lodged with his back pressing against Remus’ chest. Remus threw an arm around Sirius’ stomach, tugging him a little closer, and Sirius could feel him inhale with his mouth and nose in Sirius’ hair. He simultaneously wanted to never move again and run and jump around to express the jitters in his body.

“Very convincing,” he said in a low voice. There was a beat of stillness before Remus reacted – with a huff and a shake of his head.

“Your idea,” he said. “Now shut up and sleep.” But his voice was soft and fond as he said it, and Sirius was glad his back was turned so Remus couldn’t see the embarrassing grin on his face.

*

Sirius woke up the next day lying on his back in Remus’ bed, Remus himself draped over the left half of his body. It was unbearably warm, pyjamas sticking to his sweaty skin uncomfortably. Remus was snoozing on his chest, though. He couldn’t hear any movement from the others, which meant that it was either late or early. His watch told him that it was late.

“Hey.” He poked Remus’ shoulder. “We’re missing breakfast.”

Remus just groaned and didn’t move.

Sirius poked him again, harder. “This is adorable and all but I need to take a piss and get something to eat,” he tried.

With a smacking noise, Remus opened his mouth, then lifted his head from Sirius’ chest. He watched him sleepily for a moment, then seemed to come to, and hastily sat up.

“Sorry about that,” he said.

“Comes with the boyfriend territory,” Sirius joked. Remus didn’t smile. 

Sirius turned into Padfoot and licked Remus’ face until he did smile. “Bad dog,” he said, grinning. “We’re fine, stop fussing.”

Turning back to his human self, Sirius said, “I’m not fussing.” _I just wanted to lick your face._

Breakfast was almost over when they made it down to the Great Hall, and the Gryffindors who were still left wolf whistled when they walked past. Sirius held his head high. In the corner of his eye, he saw Remus sigh at the attention, but his shoulders didn’t slump like they did when he was upset.

Lily leaned forward with her elbows on the table, grinning suggestively. “Sleep well?”

“Back off, Evans, and pass the marmalade,” said Sirius shortly.

Remus pretended he didn’t notice the innuendo. “Yes, quite well, thank you. And yourself?” He raised a cup of tea towards Lily like they were old ladies at a tea party. Lily shook her head and laughed.

Much to Sirius’ disappointment, the novelty of their relationship as gossip for the school had worn off exceedingly quickly. What then was the reason for them to keep pretending? James kept looking at them, smug or fond or sometimes both, somehow, but Sirius didn’t know if that was enough.

At lunch on Friday, Sirius and Remus were sitting together as usual, and Sirius felt like some flair was needed. Remus asked plainly if Sirius could pass the peas, and Sirius preened.

“Of course, my sweetest teacup of butter.” He fluttered his eyelashes at Remus.

“Butter isn’t sweet, and why is it in a teacup?” Lily made a face.

Sirius passed the peas and noticed a hint of a smile at the corner of Remus’ mouth. He turned back to Lily.

“It’s called artistic license, Evans,” said Sirius with a tilt to his head. “You know, poets can say whatever they want.”

Lily raised her eyebrows. “You’re including yourself in that category?”

“We’re getting off track here!” James protested. “Sirius, you’re a wanker. Lily, you’re perfect, but stop distracting Sirius. Remus, that’s my foot.”

“It’s like I don’t even exist,” Peter whined.

“Tomorrow, you won’t,” said James, “since you’ll be busy and not with the rest of us.”

“The things I go through,” Peter muttered, but made no further protest. Probably a wise move; James had his strict kindergarten teacher look on his face, and even Sirius knew better than to oppose him on these occasions.

“As I was saying,” James went on, “I suggest that we meet in the Great Hall and head down together.”

“You mean like we do literally every Hogsmeade trip?” Remus sounded bored.

James sighed. “Technically, yes, but this time it’s different because it’s a double date!”

He looked so excited, Sirius almost felt bad for playing a prank this elaborate on him.

“So happy for you that I’m out of the way,” Peter said under his breath.

“If you wanna cancel your date, you can fifth-wheel,” said Sirius. “You’ll be our adopted child.”

“Why would we adopt him?” Remus raised his eyebrows.

“Because of his tragic backstory, out of the good of our hearts.” Sirius put a hand to his chest and looked up at the ceiling dramatically.

Peter gave him a punch on the arm, and James just nodded. “So glad everything’s working out,” he said happily.

Sirius cast Remus a glance, pressing his thigh closer.

“Yeah,” Remus said. “It’s all working out.”

*

It was a sunny day and James Potter felt thoroughly pleased with himself. He was walking hand in hand with Lily, who had just told him that Gryffindor would definitely win the Quidditch cup this year, and a few paces ahead walked Sirius and Remus. They were all on their way to Hogsmeade.

“Of course I’ll win us that cup,” James said and lifted their joined hands to kiss Lily’s.

She rolled her eyes fondly. “So what are your plans for this double date? Does anywhere in Hogsmeade serve humble pie?” She stuck her tongue out at him. He could hear their friends laughing up ahead.

“Anyway,” he said pointedly, “the Three Broomsticks should do it.”

They walked through the gates, leaving the Hogwarts grounds, and Lily gave James a gentle shove. “I remember when you brought me to Madam Puddifoot’s.”

James groaned and felt his cheeks redden. “I thought it was what every girl wanted!”

Lily snorted. “Obviously I don’t speak for every girl, but all my friends hate that place.” She smirked. “It was cute when you started talking about learning to crochet, though.”

“Oh, I forgot that! Summer plans sorted, then.” 

The Three Broomsticks was lively as usual and, when James and Lily arrived, Sirius and Remus were trying to goad a group of Slytherins into giving them their table. James ordered four butterbeers, and when he turned around, the Slytherins walked past while casting irritated looks at Remus and Sirius. He shrugged and handed Lily two of the beers.

“What did you do?” He slid a bottle over to Remus while Lily did the same for Sirius.

“Let’s just say that dating a Prefect has its advantages.” Sirius winked at Remus, who let out a dry, “Ha!”

“Cheers to that.” James lifted his bottle and they all clinked them together.

“Where’s Peter?” Remus asked when he lowered his beer.

“Maybe he didn’t fancy being the fifth wheel,” Sirius suggested and slid closer to Remus on the bench. James tried to bite back a smile. It was so good that those two finally had their shit together.

“He’s got a date, actually,” said Lily. “A Hufflepuff named Stephen.”

Remus’ eyebrows all but disappeared under his fringe, they shot up so high, but he said nothing.

“Good for him,” Sirius said. He hastily drank again, but James knew Sirius and saw the tension in his shoulders. What was that about?

After the pub, James and Sirius went to Zonko’s and Lily and Remus to Honeyduke’s. They met up again and decided to spend the rest of the day back on the grounds by the lake. The afternoon was spent lazing about on the grass, eating candy, and once they had enough just playing with it.

“Come on,” Sirius said to Remus, squinting in the setting sun. “Let me try again.”

“You missed the first five hundred times.” Remus tried his best to glare, but James saw the smile lurking around his mouth. He carded his fingers through Lily’s hair, whose head was in his lap.

“Please?” Sirius pouted and Remus opened his mouth again. Brows furrowed in concentration, Sirius aimed a bean and threw it. This time, it hit Remus’ eye.

Remus groaned and Sirius laughed.

“Your boyfriend is the worst,” Lily said from below James.

“Ha! No need to tell me that.” Remus swallowed, then grinned unnaturally brightly. 

Sirius copied Lily and lay his head in Remus’ lap, and almost as soon as James had spotted Remus’ jaw clenching, he was relaxed again.

*

Sunday was strange. Remus avoided Sirius all day, but after dinner he cornered him and said, “I need to talk to you alone.”

“Now?” Sirius smiled, pretending not to notice the serious tone.

“If you can.” There was no hint of a joke in Remus’ expression. 

“Let’s go.” Sirius tried to ignore the feeling of set iron in his stomach.

“Ooh, going on a date?” James called after them as they walked toward the door.

“Just trying to get away from you.” Sirius put two fingers up at him and sauntered out after Remus.

Once they climbed out of the portrait hole, Sirius turned to Remus. “Where are we going?” He tried a smile again, but to no avail.

“Let’s get out of the grounds,” was Remus’ response. He started walking, and Sirius followed.

They went through the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack. Remus shuddered when they approached, and without thinking, Sirius took his hand and squeezed it. Remus only let go when they left the Shack. They exited quickly and walked down the hill outside, away from the village and towards the forest. Remus led the way to a little clearing, stopping under a large oak tree.

Again, Sirius offered his robe as blanket and Remus sat down on it. He didn’t speak for a couple seconds, just chewed his lip with his head bent down.

“We’re really getting James and the others good.” Sirius broke the silence, smiling hopefully.

Remus smiled back, but he was frowning. “About that…” 

Sirius’ insides twisted.

“I don’t think I can do this much longer.” Remus looked down on the ground. “It’s just – it’s not right.”

Not right? Sirius felt something hot and painful rise in his throat.

“I didn’t think you minded gays,” Sirius spat. “Good to know even the perfect Remus Lupin is a fucking bigot deep down.” 

“What?!” Remus looked taken aback. “That’s not –” He sighed. “I didn’t want to make it weird, all right, but if you must know…” He paused and Sirius looked at him with crossed arms, nodding for him to continue.

“It’s hard for me to do this because… because it’s not real.” The last words were mumbled, but Sirius heard them as clearly as though they’d been hammered into his head.

“It could be real.” Sirius shrugged. “I mean, it’s been nice, right? Why not?”

Remus let out a bemused puff of laughter. “Why not?” He repeated, incredulous. “That’s it? I thought you’d, I don’t know, punch me.”

Sirius snorted. “I would never treat your face like that, I’d think you’d have gathered that from all this.”

Remus’ face coloured slightly. “I suppose.”

Feeling brave and invincible, Sirius reached for his hand again. When they touched, Remus looked up. Sirius smiled, trying to look as sure as he could. Remus squeezed his hand and smiled back.

“I hate proving James right, though,” he said. They both burst out laughing, still holding hands.

Then he leant forward and kissed Sirius. For no one but them.


End file.
